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Author
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Topic: "We wipe our arses with 50 pound notes!" the story of Chelsea
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Bark
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posted 22 May 2004 20:32
    
I strightened my tie hurridely, and my advisor stood over me, telling me things to say, players to be interested, and for god's sake, stop sweating. I chose to ingore that last part, then i remembered...
"Fuck, where my chelsea scarf?"
"Here"
"thanks"
I could here the reporters readying their cameras, i would be grilled for being unexperienced, but i'd show them...hopfully.
"and now, ladies and gentlemen, i give you the new chelsea manager, Shea Power!!!"Much appaluse greeted me as i stared into the camera lenses. I made an attempt to smile, but my neck tightened, and I knew this was going to be a hard ride.
"Shea, what players dpo you have in mind?" i tried to recall what they where saying back-stage, but it had slipped my mind.
"erm...Possibly Maldin, And i'll have my eye on Shevchenco, Buffon, and DAniel Braathen and DAniel freidlem-holm" My advisor slapped his head, and i had a felling I said something wrong...
"who are those last 2 you metioned?"
"norweigen prospects, very promising young players...or so I think" the pens were furiously writing.
"so, what was your previous job?"
"Part-time bag-boy at the ritz"
I smiled, i had something right. But then the question were getting too much
"do you have weight problems?"
"are you homosexual?"
Have you ever had a prostitute? WILL YOU FUCK OFF, YOU CUNTS!!! Thay stood in silence, and so did I. Then I ran to my office, barricaded the door, and collasped to the floor.
"Christ, this ain't Gonna be easy..." [ 15 July 2004: Message edited by: Bark ] [ 19 July 2004: Message edited by: Bark ] [ 19 July 2004: Message edited by: Bark ] -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Fandan
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posted 22 May 2004 21:52
 -------------------- Go Scotland! Get eyemouth here. Eyemouth
Posts: 5908 | From: Scotland | Registered: Sep 2003 | IP: Logged
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Shindig
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posted 23 May 2004 00:02
DS can't leave you know. He's just getting to know you. Speaking of undeserving rich clubs, my Blackburn side has more money.-------------------- A fool and his money.... "From the wing of a pigeon, the ball went straight into the top corner" - Laurent Robert describes his unique volley against Fulham, January 2004.
Posts: 17190 | From: Still at home | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged
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T0M
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posted 23 May 2004 02:02
Two words:Spell - Checker. -------------------- England, teaching people how to play rugby since November 21st 2003 My Story
Posts: 1319 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2003 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 23 May 2004 12:44
sorry, but word = cannot be arsed. i might switch, but not right now. and exile fc, i'm in my local team, they are just shit, so whatever.THE STORY THE SQUAD well, thanks to Raneiri, I now have such foreign fuck like Juan Veron, who no-one wants for 5 million...Christ, Jesper Gronkjear is on his way out, Eidur is gone, Bogarde never had a chance, and crespo i'm considering, mainly because adriano is on his way to chelski. GOALIES CARLO CUDICINI When on a good day? he's uneatable, a rock, albeit a diving rock, but he is a star of this team, but at 30, i'm looking at rey as an replacement. on a bad day, still good NEIL SULLIVAN, JURGEN MACHO, AMBROSIO, ALL transfer listed. i'm so mean.  DEFENDERS JOHN TERRY Ah, Lionheart, and there's Mr Captain. I mean, come on, who else? a strong tackler, a full blooded, Commitied man. This is what we need. MARCEL DESSIALY He ain't gonna be here long. I get a decent bid, Whoosh, goodbye. Mexes, Dawson are both coming in, so, who needs him? but, if he stays, and terry is out, he's gonna be the 2nd captain GLEN JHONSON So promising, it hurts. I'm Getting Lillian Thuram, so he'll be a Back up to him. But when Thurham is Injured, I know excatly who's coming in. Young,Determined, England U-21. He's good. WAYNE BRIDGE A signing Before my Time, and a fucking good one. He's a Workoholic, and is always game for some Bombing down thast left-hand side, Which suits my game plan. A crucil Cog in the Chelski Revolution. ROBERT HUTH SWEET JESUS! The boy's 18 and He's Fucking massive! a back up to our defence, a god-like presence in the air, and also, Strong and determined. A few want him, but they won't get him, well, not YET... NEXT: midfeild, attack, and hopfully some pitcure, if someone could tell me how to post them? -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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exilencfc
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posted 23 May 2004 13:27
quote:
Originally posted by Bark:
sorry, but word = cannot be arsed. i might switch, but not right now. and exile fc, i'm in my local team, they are just shit, so whatever.
wooosh -------------------- So square I tesselate
Posts: 631 | From: Exeter | Registered: May 2003 | IP: Logged
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lufc-rob
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posted 24 May 2004 22:32
Man I couldn't stop laughing there, I just imagined a press conference like that and a manager getting so hot under the collar he just screams FUCK OFF!!! hahaha quality  -------------------- http://img57.exs.cx/img57/5787/hammertime1.gif MC Hammer, Go Hammer.
Posts: 2574 | From: Belfast, Northern Ireland | Registered: Apr 2004 | IP: Logged
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Destiny
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posted 24 May 2004 22:41
 I like your stories becuase there totally different from everyone elses and actaully quite funny -------------------- 20 LEGEND Destiny Menubars (01/02|03/04) ©
Posts: 3399 | From: in the World of Warcraft | Registered: Dec 2003 | IP: Logged
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The Last Wolves Fan....
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posted 25 May 2004 00:13
quote:
Originally posted by Bark:
CARLO CUDICINI When on a good day? he's uneatable.
Oh the images
-------------------- Whr hav all th E's gon?
Posts: 284 | From: behind the fridge with the dropped maltesers and fluff | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Shindig
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posted 25 May 2004 14:46
Ah, the day Bark leans to spell is the day I die a lonely death....-------------------- A fool and his money.... "From the wing of a pigeon, the ball went straight into the top corner" - Laurent Robert describes his unique volley against Fulham, January 2004.
Posts: 17190 | From: Still at home | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged
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Smiffy**
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posted 25 May 2004 15:09
quote:
Originally posted by exilencfc:
wooosh
quote:
Originally posted by Bark:
and...that means?
Probably the same as this Bark. quote:
Originally posted by Bark:
MARCEL DESSIALYHe ain't gonna be here long. I get a decent bid, Whoosh, goodbye. Mexes, Dawson are both coming in, so, who needs him? but, if he stays, and terry is out, he's gonna be the 2nd captain
-------------------- Smiffy's Short Stories. You're = a shortened version of the text "you are". Your = belonging to e.g. You're: "You're a Liverpool fan" Your: "Your Liverpool shirt"
Posts: 6841 | From: Buckley | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Jimmy Floyd
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posted 25 May 2004 16:54
How can you get rid of Desailly? The man is god.Oh, and by the way, if you're ever needing a goal in the last ten minutes and have run out of ideas, sling Robert Huth on up front. Probably the hardest player in the Premiership. -------------------- It was an amazing feeling at the last away game at Old Trafford, all the home fans applauding me as well, and then double that in the last game at Stamford Bridge. It was a fantastic feeling. Maybe Peter Kenyon will never have that feeling.... - Claudio Ranieri
Posts: 3837 | From: West London | Registered: Jun 2002 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 25 May 2004 17:16
quote:
Originally posted by Destiny:
I like your stories becuase there totally different from everyone elses and actaully quite funny
thanks a lot destiny.*sends PM to donovan, telling him EXACTLY where to stick TMD awards so called worst writer*LUFC-rob, glad you found that so funny, the laughs will keep on coming, I'll learn how to spell, and we'll keep on coming till we die, so hop on this wild ride! [ 25 May 2004: Message edited by: Bark ] -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 25 May 2004 17:50
JUST A LITLLE TASTER OF WHAT'S TO COMEI woke up the next morning after THAT press coference in my office, with the door still barricaded. I wanted to look outside, but found my legs pinned down. Then I heard a banging at the door. I pissed myself.Shit, I thought, They're back!
"Fuck off, ye Press Cunts!"
"Erm, I'm your assistant manager."
"oh...ok, come in" So he walked after the quick barricadement was undone, and looked at my groin.
"What's that wet patch?"I looked, and had to think of an excuse.
"It's coffee, that's all" He looked as though he didn't believe me. He let it go, thank god.
"So, what needs inproving on the Chelsea scene?" I looked outside at some pile of crap that seemed like my local park, with 5 times the litter.
"Have that park next to my office cleaned up, or removed."
"That's not a park, that's are training ground." I sat in shock. I could not believe what I was hearing.
"our...Training...Ground?"
"Yes" another minute ticked by, until the inveitable happened.
"YOU FUCKING CALL THAT A TRAINING GROUND?! I'VE SEEN BETTER SHITHOLES THAN THAT! IN FACT, MY SHIT, IS PROBALY BETTER LOOKING THAN THAT FUCKHOLE, SO GO AND GET IT DONE UP, YOU PILLOCK!" He ran out of my office like a bullet. I sulmped into my chair.
"fucking hell, what have i done?" -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Shindig
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posted 25 May 2004 20:20
quote:
Originally posted by Bark:
yeah, i know, but the chelsea facilities are awful.
Just think of it as a trip to the beach, lad. -------------------- A fool and his money.... "From the wing of a pigeon, the ball went straight into the top corner" - Laurent Robert describes his unique volley against Fulham, January 2004.
Posts: 17190 | From: Still at home | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 25 May 2004 21:27
I'll bear that in mind.
NEW SIGNINGS! WOOHOO!ALLESIO CERCI 675k compensation from AS Roma.A ruthless finisher, all hes has to do his get the ball in front of goal, bang. he's a young lad, 15, so plenty of time to improve PHILLIPE MEXES 2.9 M from auxerre. Capped 5 times for Les Blues, This boy knows how to defend in style. Good in the air and on the deck, will fight with My other defender signing for CB MICHEAL DAWSON 6.25M FROM NOTTS FOREST.So promising, it takes the piss. He's pretty much good at anything, shooting, dribbling, but, mos improtantly, strong, brave, and and a good tackler and header. At 18, he's gonna keep on improving. JAN KRISTIANSEN 9OOK FROM ES FREIGBERG.Or, I think that the name of the club. He's also young. He's got pace, drobbling, commitment, and wears his heart on his sleeve.
MIKEAL ARTETA
3.2M FROM RANGERS. Mikeal is a excellent all-rounder, a really cool passer, and also,commited. We'll see how he shapes up, he's gonna find it hard. I also signed veirahina and supat rungasatamee(sp?) but, thay are just hot prospects. -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 25 May 2004 21:40
CHELSEA V CSKA SOFIAIN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE THE GAME "So, where are we exactly?" I was frezing cold, and the Champions League anthem was being strained around the crappy speakers?
"In Bulgaria"
"OK, that's good" Yeah, sure that's OK. I'm cold, want a hot water bottle, and I'm not looking forward to the press. I can still see that Headline, MANAGER GOES NUTS. Hwy, it's my STYLE of living, I can't help it. Well, The start of this game represents a runny shit. Stinky, crappy, and painful. their star brazil strker headed at Carlo, who nicely fumbeled into his own net. Bless him for trying. Gwyn(ass.manager) was not as happy.
"YOU POOF! HANDLE THE BALL, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!"
"You're lucky."
"HOW?!
"The fans above us can't understand a word you're saying"
My words were harsh, but true.
"you are all playing crap, apart From Joe cole and Adrain mutu. I'm bringing Frankie off for Jan, and we're playing Scramjet." The second half started brightly, Cerci hit the side-net, but Captain fantsctic.(terry) heading us level, until that brazil dude scored again, the brigde scored a point-blank header. The final 10 mins were so tense, it was unbearable, Jan's cross was deflected to aly cerci, who shot, it was blocked, but the ball dropped to cerci.. he drilled it into the 6 yard box, Joe cole dived in, foot outstreched...then blackness. [ 25 May 2004: Message edited by: Bark ] [ 26 May 2004: Message edited by: Bark ] -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 26 May 2004 19:39
The next morning, I woke up in my office again, with another wet patch, and my legs pinned down. I didn't know the result, all I knew was that Joe cole had leaped forward, foot outstreched, then I blacked out. I had a splitting headache. But I found a copy of The Sun on the table
"sweet" I went to page 3, then looked back on the front, and saw me, on the floor, with a glass bottle shattered on the ground, I saw Joe Cole, Adrian Mutu, Our physio, and a stray cat all standing over me. The headline,
POWER KO'D IN MOSCOW HORROR! the back page was that Joe cole had scored, but of course, the headline was far, far better.
Roman had said that he was "dissapointedski at the behaviourski" I said the same. Minus the ski. The days passed, and we came to our next match. Liverpool had just beat Southampton 1-0.
CHELSKI V WOLVES THE TEAM-the same that walked out at CKSA Moscow, but Cerci was benched in Favor of Hearnan crespo. THE MATCH Wolves fans were screming out their team's name. The atmosphere was crackling, buzzing, unbelievable. I almost forgot I was he manager, until I realized the only reason I was at the game was because I managed chelsea. Hearen, after just 1 minute, knocked the ball to William Gallas, He crossed looking for Mutu, but it deflected to Crespo. He didn't even think about it. He just Volleyed, and watched as it crashed into the net. Glorious goal, it doesn't get any better. Mutu missed a sitter, and then terry cocked a routine clearance to let Dean Sturrigde have a crack, but went, thankfully, wide the second goal was a bitter blow to Wolves. some excellent teamwork, mexes, duff, crespo who played an excellent lofted pass to Adrain Mutu, who finished sweetly. The third goal was so elegant, so beautiful, total football. Terry's short header to Joe Cole picked out Gallas haring doen the wing, he lifted the ball, and Adrain leaped into the air, and just nicked the bal over mat murray. The second half had nothing to write about. MOM-ADRAIN MUTU
-------------------------------------------- An ecellent display. worked so hard, continued to play well and scored twice. 2 MOM's in a row, looking Beautiful. [ 26 May 2004: Message edited by: Bark ] -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 26 May 2004 20:39
CHELSEA V ASTON VILLATEAM- Adam Collin has just joined from Newcadtle, so he gets on the bench ahead of neil sullivan THE MATCH The rain was thundering down(which makes it pretty apparent it's in London) But, despite the rain, it was quite warm, and after 2 mins, the rain stopped. On 3 mins, we scored. Dawson's long ball was picked up by crespo, who nodded it to Adrain, who dummied a shoy, and then, buried it. Thr cheers had barely died down when Joe and Veron exchanged the ball, and then Veron played To william, Hearnen headed, saved, rebound was crashed in. I could sense a routing on the cards, and I wasn't wrong. on 37 mins, a Juan Veron shot was parried behind for a corner. Damien whipped in a beut of a cross, and who else but Micheal Dawson? the plucky, England U-21 star.To head home, and then, it was so beautiful. He kissed the crest, picced up a crowd mike, and screamed,
"I LOVE CHELSEA!!!!" He was tearful with joy, and I was proud of his ability, and proud of his heart. Then, when Villa thought it couldn't get worse, it did.Joe won the ball in the center, and ran. Ridgewell got a foot in as he reached 25 yards out, but the ball went to Adrain, Who danced round Enkelman, and slotted home. The crowd were going nuts with happiness.Adrain just stood with his arms raised up high. The second half was a formality. We could have got 10, but Peter enckelman was superb, but we still couldn't stop us bagging 1 more. Juan knew the game was over, so he had a 25yard screamer. It was parryed, but only as far as William. 5-0. The delight was amazing at the final wistle, but all the newswasn't good. Mutu had hurt his sholder, he was out for our game V boro, and our Cl game. -------------------------------------------- MOM-ADRAIN MUTU he keeps on like this, he's gonna get player of the year. another combative, classy display, and scored 2 more to take his tally to 4 goals! -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 27 May 2004 17:36
CHELSEA V BOROTEAM-CERCI in for injured MUTU. GERMEI replaced on right wing by KRISTIANSEN THE MATCH God, when does it NOT rain in Spain? that a nursery rhyme. Moving away from that, when doesn't it rain in London? Wonders never cease. How would we cope without Adrain, the boy who lead the line against Sofia Villa and Wolves? the answer was poorl. We had a few chances, but they were so easy Mark swcharer in the 'boro goal was more than equat to them. But we wasn't finished. We leaped into action, mark made 2 good stops to deny Hearnen and Duff, while dawson had a header helped off the line. But Damien was shining, and went on a mazy run, ending in a sweet finish from 20 yards. Lovingly crafted. The second half was in the same sort of mould as the 1st. Chances were saved and spured, and Carlo had to make a few saves at his end.  We had a corner, and we were savage from these. Damien whipped in a delighful ball, and Micheal headed down. Juhinino had a swing, and scliced it into his own net.Dawson wanted it, It was goalbound already, but the FA's Goal panel had decided OG. ---------------------------------------------------------- MOM-DAMIEN DUFF Damien filled the void that Adrain left. he was still on the left wing, but played like a dreamed, scored, and worked hard. Pushed by Micky Dawson, who should have got that oggie gifted to him, and played well at the back. [ 27 May 2004: Message edited by: Bark ] -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 28 May 2004 18:07
CHELSEA V CSKA SOFIATEAM-WE SIGNED GOD! oh, hang on, it's adraino. Meh, still good, goes instead of crespo, who drops to bench, and mutu makes a recovery from his injury quick enough to be starting. THE MATCH I only half watched the game, I was looking for people lobbing bottles. Adriano didn't seem to be involved much, nor anyone else. I was looking on at the game through the rays of beautiful moonlight (ok then, the driving rain, the gale-force winds, doesn't have the same effect) and we had then, on 10 mins began to play. Mutu had almost scored, played through by in-form Joe, Adrain looked to bury iy, but saw it stopped bt their keeper whose name i'm got gonna BOTHER to try and spell. We had more and more attempts batted away by this mega force, who parried or caught anything that came his way, including condoms, sex toys, and the odd pig-head. they've been getting ideas off of barca fans. We almost had a goal when adraino showed his skils with a 75 yard through ball to Adrain, who, yes, missed in style. But in the 2nd half, it was all too much for their keeper. After some sweet excanges on the edge of the box, Jan lifted the ball just in fromt of adraino, bang.l-0. Then, 10 mins after, Adraino slipped in the box, but just knocked the ball to Adrain.Bang.2-0. --------------------------------------------------------------- MOM-ADRAIN MUTU. FOR FUCK'S SAKE, STOP GETTING MAN OF THE MATCH!!! For the same reason as above. [ 28 May 2004: Message edited by: Bark ] -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 28 May 2004 20:28
CHELSEA V MAN CITYTEAM- NO CHANGES THE MATCH Ah, The city of Manchester stadium, a downright lovley place, turf that rivals our beach, i mean, turf(gives a hasty cough)
anyway, no-one appeared to know what thay were doing, Adriano hacked the ball into the path ov Sean Davis. Cue Stupidly powerful half volley that almost broke Carlo's hands. The 2nd half saw duff off For Micky Tonge, and Jan off for Hearnen. We had Mutu drill 1 through the legs of poor,poor Nicky Weaver,Then Adraino header saved, bounced into the path of crespo. yet anotehr 2-0 win. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MOM-THE SAME BLOKE WHO ALWAYS WINS IT see above. -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Volum
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posted 28 May 2004 20:30
quote:
Originally posted by Bark:
Ok, 3 questions1. Is this story good? ating out of 10, plus feedback please 2. is it me,or do i put a little too much detail into my matches? most people just list scorers and such? 3. how come no-one replys? is it because of the alias thing?
1. 7, Its alright, its better then some of the crap thats been turning up here lately. 2. Depends on the reader, some like it detailed some prefer the reults. It depends on my mood, sometimes i read the hole match report, sometimes i just read the result. What i like tough is a league tabel at the end of a post, if it just says, "we climb to 4" right after a match report, i have to read trough it again, and that annoys me. 3. Because people here are to busy  
Mostly because people are lazy, i have know idead about the alias thingy, i dont even know what thats about -------------------- Liverpool all the way. Not that thats very far atm.
Posts: 118 | From: Occupied Norway | Registered: Nov 2003 | IP: Logged
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-JP-
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posted 01 June 2004 14:30
Bark. Once you spend enough time in TMD you will realise that just because people aren't replying doesn't mean that no-one is reading. This story has certainly improved, keep it going. And I couldn't care less if you're an alias - so long as you can write a story it's totally irrelevant (hell even I'm apparently Henry/Harold these days). -------------------- ...you don't know what you've got until you've (nearly) lost it all...
Posts: 798 | From: Yeovil | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 01 June 2004 16:09
OFF THE BALLAh, Bliss. The feeling of playing well. No press on your back, apart fromm that guy I punched.Man,He's a real poof. I saw Adraino and Roman having English lessons. Adriano was doing OK, While Roman was So nearly there
"How do you do-Ski?" he asked me.I smiled, nodded, and walked off to watch playboy. In Most away games,I ended up sharing a room with Frankie Lampard. It had to go wrong. I dropped him, and 1 exchange got a bit heated. We were good mates, both 24, and we talked about tits, fannies, and tits, then, his chances in the 1st team.
"Shea?"
"Yeah"
"will I be in the 1st team often?"
"dunno. Depends on your performance"
"How will I perform when I play out of place on the right?"
"well..."
"Don't try to dodge it Shea"
"I'm not, but..."
'I'M BETTER THAN VERON, THAN ARTETA, AND I'M STILL NOT FIRST TEAM"
"FUCKING CALM DOWN NOW, OR YOU'RE IN TROUBLE!" John Terry Woke up, and began to talk to Damien Duff
"Shit,what going on next door?"
"Dunno"
"Are thay having a fight?
"Dunno"
"why do you keep on saying dunno?
"Dunno"
"Goodnight Duffer"
"Dunno" -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 01 June 2004 18:20
I KNEW someone was gonna give me 1 star, thanks to whoever that was, cock!AND NOW, THE STORY 2 minor, boring games Chelsea 1 V Everton 0
Chelsea 1 V beskistas 0 TOTTENHAM V CHELSEA Spurs were going to pose a threat. 4th(?!) in the league, while we are fighting for top spot as Man U have drawn a game, but made up for it by tonking Rivals Arsenal 4-2. But, If we lost, we drift to 1 point off top. but, we would not lose. I reconsidered after Dalmat 25 yarder dipped downwards onto the bar, fuck, and keane hit the post, fuck again. I asked Damien as he took a throw-in,
"What the HELL is going on, they're making us look like TWATS?!"
"Dunno" But, God thought,
"sod chelsea, Time to let Spurs lead!" and so thay did. Stupid defending 101 trails are now in session. MARVEL as gallas falls on his overaly large arse, WONDER as Terry and Dawson Don't know what thay are doing, and REVEL in the glory of Cudacini missing Dalmat's shot at his near post. it was the 1st goal carlo had let in at a Prem match this season... 1-0 at half-time. Cue Explosion
"YOU WERE SHIT! I'VE SEEN SCHOOLBOYS DEFEND BETTER, BABIES TACKLE BETTER! I COULD GET MY MATE [PRS] TO LOAN ME HIS KIDS AND WE'D PLAY BETTER FOOTBALL, SO GIT OUT THERE AND BLOODY PLAY! Thay walked out as if a tornado had hit them. Keane walked over to Mexes, who came as we switched to Scramjet, and said,
"Jesus, he really had a go at ya there, to be sure!" Phillipe, who wasn't fulent in english or Irish, Replyed,
"ze gaffer having an really go at us, no?" He then walked off. Then more defending came unstuck, as a cack cross by Dalmat was turned in by Keane, who celebrated, Keane style! I was Groaning, Until a crazed Spurs fan leaped out of the stands, and began to beat the living FUCK out of me, then...yet another black-out. My last thoughts were
"will we comeback?" and,
"what's on tely tonight?" then, I slipped into darkness... -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 01 June 2004 21:00
I woke up the day before our match V leeds, woth a headache, and then I picked a paper that had been left for me, I read the back page, and my head dropped.
"Chelski stopped by the HOT-spurs!" the score was 2-1 in the end, Joe cole had knocked 1 in. Amazingly, the team had no points decked, just the fan was never allowed to Home games again, which really pissed me off. I was able to go to our aforesaid match against leedsCHELSKI V THE POOR BOYS(LEEDS) NEWS-Scramjet has replaced the trusty Wing raiders, so Mutu plays FR, With Adraino and Hearnen in the CF roles, Mexes sweeper, and Makelele in DM role THE MATCH I smiled to myself. I had a feeling that this game would swing our way. I'd bever seen Adrain so fired up, and leeds couldn't contain him in the first 10 mins, and It showed as we took our lead. Hearnen pass was deflected off Joe, yes our OWN player, but it served to deflect the ball to Afrain, who buried it. 2 mins later, he made it a brace! Willian won the ball in the center, and flicked the ball between the 2 defenders for Him to stab home. The 3rd goal was beauty in full. Adraino's curing free-kick was so powerful, it tore the net. The 4th was will's clearence, latched unto by hearnen, who chipped Robinson excellently. The 5 th was a class pass by Duffer, adrain was there, and a hat-trick was sealed. By now, i was jumping like Martain O neill! the 6th was knocked around in Midfeild, When Claude's through ball was Adrain's FOURTH of the game! No. 7 was scored by powerful passing. Phillipe drove the ball across the goal to Claude, who BLASTED a stunner. No 8. was Mutu's ball to Heaenen, who slipped it in, and then No.9 was scrambled home by Geremi.WHAT A WIN! WHAT A MATCH! I'LL GO OVER THIS GLORIOUS GAME..TOMORROW! GOODNIGHT! -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 05 June 2004 16:08
A few questions,1. IS god a cow? 2. WHERE'S my pills? 3. How the hell did we score 9 goals? Well, 1 and 2, I can't tell you. I can, however, tell you that we just played like we'd never played before. We attacked ruthlessly, we defended Solidly, and just never stopped. Christ, we HAD to be doing something right if we could get Makelele and Geremi to score. *laughs at his own crappy joke, looks at bird, farts, burps, straches arse, throws at dart at Ruud Van Nistelrooy and looks at playboy* Back on track, Scramjet looks like a correct formation to adapt, but, looking at the dugout, a widely respected forum with people of such class as Doonhamer, Ventola, $miffy, and Kevin Hereford United. Anyhoo, the Scramjet is a cheat tactic, and Wing Raiders had worked well enough for me so far this season, just not so great at the moment. I decided Scramjet would have to do me for the Inter CL game, which I'm sure we can win, it's just a matter of playing as well as we did against leeds... -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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Bark
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posted 05 June 2004 22:38
INTER V CHELSKISAN SIRO TEAM-NO CHANGES THE MATCH Scramjet was the chosen formation for this match. It was going to be tough, with the 2nd placed sides from both The Premiership and Serie A.But, the team from Itly struck an early blow, a blow that could well cost us dearly. Kallon headed the ball back to Javier Zannieti, who had our defenced roll out the red carpet. He honestly WALKED through, before slipping the ball to kallon to curl one inside the left-hand post from 12 yards. If Zanneti, one of our targets, could WALK through defenders like that, then I want him badly! But after 30 mins, our 4 goal hero from the Leeds Destruction(now on special edition DVD, alsongside The adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle) Mutu, had the ball nodded to him by Makelele. Adrain raced forward, and belted the ball past Italy's 2nd choice keeper Toldo.We had the 3rd choice, Poor old Carlo, he deserves to play for them, he is class in a box full of maggots, served with cheese and onion, and let's not forget pickled onions. Javier zanneti had enough. Alvaro Recoba blasted a free-kick against our wall. Mayhem Ensued. Carlo fell, dawwon and terry both clattered into each other, while Bridge and gallas were each on the post, but Javier blasted the ball over the fallen Carlo, and, in the 2nd half, Martains curled home a rocket from outside the box.
We saw some un-sporting behavior next. Adrain clattered Corboda, who fell screaming to the ground. He crossed, adraino slipped home the shot, then grabbed the ball, and pelted for the centre. Too little, too late. 3-2 Inter Milan. No 9-0 romps here, I'm afraid.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You know, I've been thinking. Perhaps that massive Leeds victory worked against us. Maybe made us overconfident. We swwmed to only start playing when we went 3-1 down. Only then, did we play at the top of our game. And, by then, It was only 15 mins left. well, time for me to sign off. Goodbye, have a nice evening, and remember to read and reply! -------------------- Arsenal FC=Greatness and unbeaten! "what do you MEAN you forgot your clothes?"
Chelski revolution: the one story I intended to fninish, but never did, ah well.
Chris Eagles, will he fly, or fall? he didn't fall, he pummeted. like a penny of the empire state.
Posts: 1653 | From: somewhere only we know... | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged
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